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What the Child Needs

As presented by Diane Weaver, Western Carolina Family Advocate, to the Hospital Futures Committee January 2000. These suggestions are also good reminders for any caregivers of children with emotional or mental disorders, including school personnel.

Love - Cannot be artificially duplicated and is so good for improved self-esteem.

Consistency - Must not go from placement to placement. If different systems are involved, they should come to the child and coordinate with each other. These children have more trouble with transitions than neurotypical (NT) children do. Yet they are required to transition more often than NT kids are.

Recognition - of how hard he/she is trying. It may not be readily apparent to anyone but it often becomes evident to those closest to the child with prolonged contact. These people begin to see "that special person who lurks inside." The child may even be scolded at school for what is actually an outstanding effort. Parents learn to adjust their expectations for their child.

Understanding - The "why" of the behavior matters!!! Lots of behavior problems arise from perceptual and cognitive differences. For example, suppose a child is preoccupied with the lack of soap in the bathrooms at school. At first the parents thought it was a result of Asperger's inflexibility, as in "There SHOULD be soap in the bathroom!" They focused on helping the child keep his own hands clean. Finally they learned it was from an OCD-like preoccupation with cleanliness, resulting from a fear that others were not using soap on their hands.

Circle of Caring - Parents need to partner with existing support systems: extended family, church, school, sports groups, scouts, YMCA, neighbors, a special teacher, etc. This supportive person can be anyone who has seen this child succeed and loves this child. School personnel and therapists see the child in a very narrow, artificial setting and need input from other sources.

Low Key Approach during Medication Transition - Behavior during medication transition should be interpreted as temporary and not indicative of the child's usual behavior. This is when these children need a low stress, relaxed, hassle-free environment. For example, let the child listen to music, play Nintendo, veg out, watch TV, read, or whatever in order to relax. Activities can have some structure but should be very low key. This is the least appropriate time for therapy or education, especially testing, because the child cannot handle it. If a level system is used, it should be not be punitive and start from a level where he/she has some privileges, privacy, and dignity. Parental input should be sought about what the child enjoys and is capable of at the time. Getting the child outdoors can be therapeutic.

 

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APPROACHING NEGATIVE EMOTIONS IN CHILDREN

When helping children learn to identify and cope with their emotions, the child's individuality is an important consideration. Among the most important factors are the child's ability to communicate, his ability to pay attention to instruction, to imitate, to remember to do what he/she is ABLE to do. The child's temperament is an all-too-often overlooked factor.

When considering why a child behaves as he does, we need to expect complexity of causes, to think of layers of causes. We can use a stress-reduction model for prevention and work to improve fit in all areas. Adults should also consider why the child is angry but not try to be a psychoanalyst. Rewards and mild penalties can help to change unhealthy expressions of anger that stem from learning processes. As adults trying to help a child grow, we can focus on changing what we can change, refer for help what we can't change, and learn positive and effective adult responses. It also helps to take care of oneself and our own emotional health!

START BY SEARCHING FOR THE TRIGGERS

I have found it useful to consider the triggers of negative emotions under the following four headings:

STRESS - There are many types of stress, including family conflict or disruption, illness, sleep problems, learning problems, overstimulation, and understimulation.

POORNESS-OF-FIT is a type of stress that occurs when a child's characteristics do not meet the demands of the environment. Chronic poorness-of-fit is a common cause of negative emotions.

DEFINITIONS OF "FIT" FROM THE INVENTORS OF THE CONCEPT!!

"Goodness-of-fit exists when the demands and expectations of the parents, teachers, and other people important to the child's life are compatible with the child's temperament, abilities, and other characteristics. With such a fit, healthy development can be expected. Poorness of fit, on the other hand, exists when demands and expectations are excessive and not compatible with the child's temperament, abilities and other characteristics. With such a fit a child is likely to experience excessive stress, and healthy development is jeopardized." (Chess & Thomas, "Know Your Child", 1987, pp. 56-57.)

GOALS BLOCKED - Even in toddlerhood, children are goal-oriented people and often have their own plans and "agendas". It's important for children to learn that the world cannot always bend to their plans but it's also important for children to achieve many of their appropriate goals, such as finishing building a tower out of blocks without interference.

VALUES OR RULES VIOLATED (including value of self). Children can get angry if they SEE another child (often peer or younger child) break a rule or if they THINK the other child is breaking a rule. They may also feel angry when they lack confidence that adults are in charge.

VIOLATIONS OF SELF. It is a healthy sign when a child, without being aggressive, asserts the value of self and expresses anger over genuine violations of self. "Don't call me names. It hurts my feelings." There can be problems when anger is based on a distorted notion of one's own value or rights or when a child does not realize that others hold different values or have different preferences. These triggers of negative emotions often overlap. For example, it is stressful to have your goals constantly blocked. It can also be a violation of self when a program consistently does not match your temperament or disability.

From:

BDI News, an electronic newsletter. To sign-up, log on to www.b-di.com/newsletterinfo.html. BDINews is written by Kate Andersen, MEd, parent educator and co-founder of The Temperament Project. The newsletter is published by Behavioral-Developmental Initiatives.

Informative, Helpful Websites

Here are just a few to get you started:

www.bpkids.org - A "virtual community center" with an extensive library, message boards, chat rooms, "Ask the Expert" feature, gallery of children's art, and more by the Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation. www.wrightslaw.com - Hundreds of articles, cases, newsletters, and other information about effective advocacy for children with disabilities and special education law. Free online newsletter.

www.bipolarchild.com Site features Demitri Papolos, M.D and Janice Papolos, authors of The Bipolar Child and Overcoming Depression. Includes general information on early-onset bipolar disorder, a model IEP (Individual Education Plan) for a bipolar child, free online newsletter, research opportunities.

www.ldonline.org - Offers well-organized, practical information for parents and teachers of children with learning disabilities, like how to prevent burnout and how to manage your child's education.

www.nichcy.org - Site features searchable database, information in Spanish, fact sheets, briefing papers. NICHCY is the national information and referral center that provides information on disabilities and disability-related issues for families, educators, and other professionals. Special focus is children and youth (birth to age 22).

www.aboutourkids.org - New York University Child Study Center site features major mental illnesses in children, symptoms, treatment, recommended reading, Q&A, stories.

www.med.unc.edu/commedu/familysu/ - The Central Directory of Resources (CDR) is one of the programs of the Family Support Network of North Carolina. The CDR maintains a database of service providers and support organizations. By responding to prompts and searching, you will be able to identify services that are available in your county.

www.ecac-parentcenter.org - A parent training and information center, ECAC (Exceptional Children's Assistance Center) offers a wide variety of information and workshops plus a lending library on a variety of topics including advocating for children and special education issues.

 

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Hope for the New Millennium

May 12 and 13, 2000
Adam's Mark Hotel
425 N. Cherry Street
Winston-Salem, NC 27101

Plan now to attend NAMI NC's Spring conference featuring ...

Harold Koplewicz, MD, author of It's Nobody's Fault: New Hope and Help for Difficult Children, and Director, New York University Children Study Center and Division of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, New York University Medical Center and Bellevue Hospital. Workshops include:

Ask the Doctor: Drugs and Chemistry of the Brain,

panel on Jail/Juvenile Justice/Diversion Programs,

Responding to Calls from Young Families,

Innovative Treatment Programs for Individuals Dually Diagnosed with Mental Illness and Substance Abuse.

To register online, visit our website, www.naminc.org. You may also call us at 800 451-9682 or 919-788-0801

 

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Let's Talk About the Weather

By Patricia Solomon, Richmond County

I predict that it's time for a breath of fresh air

To enter into the child's systems of care.

The window is opened and the air current strong.

With this new way of thinking, we can't go wrong.

Broadcasts on TV confirm our fears

Children and families are crying hurricane tears.

Many families are out in the pouring rain.

Let's work for change - not to place blame.

The clouds are overtaking many families' skills.

It's no one's fault, but that doesn't change how it feels.

Let's change the currents from family exclusion

While the tide is still rising towards the family's inclusion.

We'll scramble to learn amidst all the bluster

We'll hold on tight with all the strength we can muster.

A process of change to benefit children, families, communities, too.

Professionals and family partners are clearing the air

But for the process to work, we must all do our share.

Oh yes, I believe the weather is changing

The forecast looks good for rearranging.

The sun is rising in full array

Oh yes, I believe we're headed for a beautiful day.