Young Families INSIGHTS
February 2000
Linda Swann, Young Families Program Coordinator, Editor
Linda Buzard, Layout Manager

Children are in a constant state of change. This is a natural result of the process of growing up. Every child is just a little bit different every day. Very young children mature rapidly and noticeably. Change in school age children is less obvious but nevertheless, there are big differences over the course of a year. At adolescence we know the physical and emotional changes are dramatic.

Families are always adjusting their parenting styles to suit the evolving abilities and needs of their children. It is this dynamic quality that makes children so very different from adults and creates their extended need for adult support and guidance. Family and child serving agencies must have the flexibility to respond rapidly and appropriately to the changing physical, emotional, mental, and social development of children and youth.

All children, including those with emotional, mental, or behavioral disorders, need the support of their parents, siblings, and other family members. The family's culture and values provide the context in which the child develops and influences the way the child thinks, feels, acts, and responds to the world. The family, broadly defined, is the most constant element in the child's life. What families know about their children is more comprehensive than information gathered by an evaluation team at a specific point in time. Families have a longitudinal perspective on their child's development, behavioral patterns, characteristic responses to various environmental factors, preferences, and idiosyncrasies, and reactions to previous treatments. Child and family serving agencies need to learn and respect what families know, think, feel, and believe about their children and the services and supports they are receiving. Services and supports are legitimate uses of resources designated to serve a child. Serving a child means sharing responsibility for the child's care with the family.

Quality child and family serving systems, including managed care systems, therefore should:

· Respect the family's culture and values and organize the deliver services and supports accordingly.

· Include the child's family in all phases of assessment, design, and implementation of services and supports, even when the child is placed outside of the home.

· Provide services and supports to sustain the family as a strong and viable unit and ensure that primary caregivers have the resources they need to nurture the child.

· Provide the family with the support of an individual responsible for ensuring close coordination across systems to make sure programs are working with the child and family.

· Conduct screening and assessment activities that explore the strengths and needs of the child and his family across a wide range of domains, including follow-up, to get all necessary systems or agencies involved quickly.

· Actively engages in collaborative interagency planning to ensure the child and family are served efficiently and effectively.

· Just as children grow in one piece, so must the child and family serving systems meet their needs in one coordinated, efficient, and cost effective effort.

(From the Federation of Families for Children's Mental Health)

We thought you might enjoy a little humor in your day. Here are original sayings from first grade students as they studied proverbs:

· Better to be safe than ..... punch a fifth grader!

· Strike while the ..... bug is close.

· It's always darkest before ..... daylight savings time.

· You can lead a horse to water ..... but how?

· Don't bite the hand that ..... looks dirty.

· No news is ..... impossible.

· A miss is as good as ..... a Mr.

· You can't teach a dog ..... math.

· If you lie down with dogs, you ..... will stink in the morning.

· Love all, trust ..... me.

· The pen is mightier than ..... the pigs.

· An idle mind is ..... the best way to relax.

· Where there is smoke, there is ..... pollution.

· A penny saved is .... not much.

· Two's company, three's ..... the Musketeers.

· Children should be seen and not .... spanked or grounded.

· If at first you don't succeed ..... get new batteries.

· You get out of something what you ..... see pictured on the box.

· When the blind lead the blind .... get out of the way.

· There is no fool like ..... Aunt Edie.

· Laugh and the whole world laughs with you; cry and you .... have to blow your nose!

 

· The Adolescent Depression Workbook by Mary Ellen Copeland and Dr. Stuart Copans. Brattleboro, VT: Peach Press (1998). A workbook to help teens assess how they feel and determine what to do. Includes practical steps for reflection.

· Help Me, I'm Sad: Recognizing, Treating, and Preventing Childhood and Adolescent Depression by Dr. David Fassler and Lynne S. Dumas. New York: Penguin Putnam, Inc. (1997). Helpful for recognizing warning signs of depression and includes case histories as illustrations of various stages.

· Lonely, Sad, & Angry: A Parent's Guide to Depression in Children & Adolescents by Barbara Ingersoll and Sam Goldstein. New York: Bantam Doubleday Dell (1995). Covers symptoms of depression, diagnosis, causes, treatment and medication, suicide, and management strategies for home and school.

· It's Nobody's Fault by Harold S. Koplewicz. New York: Times Books (1996). Explains why mental illnesses/brain disorders are no fault disorders. Thirteen chapters are devoted to each of thirteen disorders including depression. Discusses diagnosis, treatment, and prognosis.

· Challenge the Beast Within Yourself and Win -- I Did. Here's My Story by Cait Irwin. Dallas, TX: AVI Communications (1998). Written by a high school senior for other teens. Explains how depression affects one's life and that of family and friends. The book is a quick read and contains a breadth of information and cool pictures.

· Understanding Mental Illness: For Teens Who Care About Someone With Mental Illness by Julie Johnson. Minneapolis, MN: Lerner Publishing Co. (1989). Discusses common misconceptions about mental illness, biological origins, symptoms, and treatments. Explores feelings that teenagers often confront and suggests family coping strategies.

There is no doubt that families in distress are resilient. They manage a huge amount of stress and keep on going. On of the most important factors that contribute to this resilience is social support. This includes support from family, neighbors, friends, professionals, and even strangers. This support is vital to balance the negative factors in life with positive elements of support. In a recent study, the following were identified as the most harmful behaviors to families and their ability to cope.

Thirty-eight percent of hurtful behaviors came from extended family - grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles. Families found it harmful when...

1. Someone in support system had inadequate contact with the child or family.

2. They provided inadequate support.

3. They did not offer or provide enough help.

4. They made insensitive or invasive comments.

5. They conveyed unhelpful, negative attitudes about the child's condition.

6. They denied or ignored the child or the disability.

7. They avoided talking or expressing feelings about the situation.

8. They lacked understanding about the child's condition or treatment.

9. They had difficulty accepting the child.

10. They tried to control the situation.

Other hurtful behaviors included giving unsolicited advice or information, providing misinformation, disagreeing with the parents on care for the child, treating the child with the disability different from the others, blaming the parents. Taking these behaviors and stating them positively would give the extended family members a list of ways to help those family members in need of comfort, acceptance, and unconditional love.

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