NAMI NC/CHILDREN/Insights April 2001

Young Families INSIGHTS
April 2001
Linda Swann, NAMI NC Young Families Program Coordinator, Editor
Linda Buzard, Layout Manager

Dedication

We dedicate this issue of Insights to those who have lost a friend or loved one to suicide. It is our hope that by learning more about the risks of suicide we can focus on prevention and learn to save lives.

Teenage Suicide

Most everyone at some time in his or her life will experience periods of anxiety, sadness, and despair. These are normal reactions to the pain of loss, rejection, or disappointment. Those with serious mental illnesses, however, often experience much more extreme reactions, reactions that can leave them mired in hopelessness.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, scientific evidence has shown that almost all people who take their own lives have a diagnosable mental or substance abuse disorder with untreated depression as the most common cause. In other words, the feelings that often lead to suicide are highly treatable.

Teen suicides generally fall into one of three categories:

Male with disruptive behavior disorder plus mood or anxiety disorder who commits suicide following failure or rejection.
Female with classic depressive disorder, following perceived failure or rejection.
High-achiever, perfectionist, commits suicide prior to dreaded event.

Now the eighth-leading cause of death overall in the U.S. and the third-leading cause of death for young people between the ages of 15 and 24 years, suicide has become the subject of much recent focus. U.S. Surgeon General David Satcher, for instance, recently announced his Call to Action to Prevent Suicide, 1999, an initiative intended to increase public awareness, promote intervention strategies, and enhance research. Some Basic Facts:

In 1996, more teenagers and young adults died of suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia and influenza, and chronic lung disease combined.
In 1996, suicide was the second-leading cause of death among college students, the third-leading cause of death among those aged 15 to 24 years, and the fourth-leading cause of death among those aged 10 to 14 years.
From 1980 to 1996, the rate of suicide among African-American males aged 15 to 19 years increased by 105 percent.

Suicide "Signs"

There are many behavioral indicators that can help parents or friends recognize the threat of suicide in a loved one. Since mental and substance-related disorders so frequently accompany suicidal behavior, many of the cues to look for are symptoms associated with such disorders as depression, bipolar disorder (manic depression), anxiety disorders, alcohol and drug use, disruptive behavior disorders, borderline personality disorder, and schizophrenia.

Some common symptoms of these disorders include:

Extreme personality changes
Loss of interest in activities that used to be enjoyable
Significant loss or gain in appetite
Difficulty falling asleep or wanting to sleep all day
Fatigue or loss of energy
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
Withdrawal from family and friends
Neglect of personal appearance or hygiene
Sadness, irritability, or indifference
Having trouble concentrating
Extreme anxiety or panic
Drug or alcohol use or abuse
Aggressive, destructive, or defiant behavior
Poor school performance
Hallucinations or unusual beliefs

There are also some more obvious signs of the potential for committing suicide. Putting one’s affairs in order, such as giving or throwing away favorite belongings, is a strong clue. Any history of previous suicide attempts is also reason for concern and watchfulness. Approximately one-third of teens who die by suicide have made a previous suicide attempt. It should be noted as well that while more females attempt suicide, more males are successful in completing suicide.

How to Help

Since people who are contemplating suicide feel so alone and helpless, the most important thing to do if you think a friend or loved one is suicidal is to communicate with him or her openly and frequently. Make it clear that you care; stress your willingness to listen. Also, be sure to take all talk of suicide seriously. Don’t assume that people who talk about killing themselves won’t really do it. An estimated 80 percent of all those who commit suicide give some warning of their intentions or mention their feelings to a friend or family member.

One of the most common misconceptions about talking with someone who might be contemplating suicide is that bringing up the subject may make things worse. This is not true. There is no danger of "giving someone the idea." Rather, the opposite is correct. Bringing up the question of suicide and discussing it without showing shock or disapproval is one of the most helpful things you can do. This openness shows that you are taking the individual seriously and responding to the severity of his or her distress.

If you do find that your friend or loved one is contemplating suicide, it is essential to help him or her find immediate professional care. (Calling the NAMI North Carolina Helpline at 1-800-451-9682 (NC only) for more information. Don’t assume that those contemplating suicide are unwilling to seek help. Studies of suicide victims show that more than half had sought medical help within six months before their deaths. And don’t leave the suicidal person to find help alone—they usually aren’t capable. Also, never assume that someone who is determined to end his or her life cannot be stopped. Most people do not want death; they want the pain to stop.

Resources

NAMI has information on a variety of programs aimed at preventing suicide. There are programs that teach educators how to identify warning signs of depression in their students and projects like The Columbia Teen Screen Suicide Prevention Program that are self-administered and community-based. Please call NAMI North Carolina at 1-800-451-9682 (NC only) for more information.

Books:

Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide. Kay Redfield Jamison. Knopf, 1999.
"Help Me, I’m Sad." David Fassler, MD and Lynne Dumas. Penguin Books, 1997.

His Bright Light: The Story of Nick Traina. Danielle Steel. Delacorte Press, 1998.
Suicide: Why? Adina Wrobleski. Afterwords, 1995.
(Source: www.nami.org)

Thank you for helping a special-needs child

Dear Teacher,

I'm that parent you have wanted to meet, the one whose special-needs child adds another challenge to your day. My child may be physically or mentally or emotionally handicapped; he may be in elementary school or about to graduate from high school. None of those details matters as much as his yearning to be free from labels, to be a normal child, to be accepted by his peers and valued by his teachers. Underneath all his categories, he is a human being in pain.

His world has limits that the rest of us can ignore. If he is mentally handicapped or learning disabled, he watches his classmates ace their tests, finish their homework, plan for college. If he suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder or attention deficit disorder or depression, his day is a torment of anxiety and unfulfilled potential.

Every time you have gone out your way to acknowledge his contributions to your class as meaningful and important, you helped him believe in his own worth as a person.

When you hushed the bullies or encouraged other students to sit with my lonely child at lunch, you made his life more bearable. As you have modeled kindness and acceptance of my child in your class, you have taught every child watching you to live a more compassionate life.

Your best gift has been to recognize my child's impairment without letting it impair your vision of him as a child who can learn. You've set high goals that encourage him to strive harder without tripping him up with unrealistic expectations that leave him discouraged, and you have been creative in your efforts to help him grow.

The time you have spent planning his instruction has been bartered from your own family or recreation, yet you have continued to try new techniques and to seek suggestions from your colleagues. You may have gone home many days despairing of the pace of his progress, but you have returned the next morning willing to devote your energies again to helping him learn.

My child is a handful - no one knows that better than I do - but that hasn't kept you from reaching out to him, teacher to student, adult to child, one human being to another. For the short time that you have known him, you have reached him with your mind and with your heart, and long after he leaves your classroom, he will carry with him your healing touch.

Yet for all that you have done for my child and for his classmates, I thank you also for what you have done for me. Long ago, on the day of the devastating diagnosis, I buried a phantom child who would grow up healthy and whole and began to live with my real child who struggles in ways that most people cannot fully understand. As you have tried to understand him and have loved him for who he is rather than rejecting him for who he isn't, you have healed me, too, and reminded me that my child is beautiful, not only to a mother who loves him fiercely as her own, but to his teacher who does not have to love him, but who does.

You've given me the extraordinary hope that even if my child does not live a longer life or a healthier life, he will at least live a better life.

And that, it seems to me, is what all real teachers do.

Reprinted with permission from Kay McSpadden, columnist with the Charlotte Observer and high school English teacher in York, S.C.

Helpful Responses from Professionals to Families

© A professional wrote the following to a parent who was shy about participating in a group: "Thanks for your participation. Your intelligence and calm, reasonableness are important influences in the group."

(Focal Point Spring/Summer 1990)

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